Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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