Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
