who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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