I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
