I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i think im in europe. pls send help
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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