smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
