yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
