SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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