just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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