lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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