bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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