So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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