i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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