Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i think my tv is drunk
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I am naked and annoyed.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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