Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
