I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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