I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
