dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
