So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
