I got chris browned last night
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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