dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
