Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
