eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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