You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
