the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
