My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
