Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
