You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
