I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
