You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
