You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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