i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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