I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
