ADVERTISEMENT

• (828): View more from North Carolina

  ..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.

  (1-828): View more from North Carolina

  nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz

  Fav 6 1995 750

  share tweet
  

• (410): View more from Maryland

  This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca

  Fav 4 2058 867

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (314): View more from Missouri

  Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.

  Fav 14 6575 1130

  share tweet
  

• (703): View more from Virginia

  then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives

  Fav 8 4231 1363

  share tweet
  

• (718): View more from New York

  She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.

  Fav 9 1804 932

  share tweet
  

• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.

  Fav 3 3528 951

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.

  Fav 5 1186 632

  share tweet
  

• (615): View more from Tennessee

  You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.

  Fav 4 604 1074

  share tweet
  

• (609): View more from New Jersey

  You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.

  Fav 1 965 428

  share tweet
  

• (940): View more from Texas

  It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"

  Fav 4 585 436

  share tweet
  

• (587): View more from Alberta

  The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am

  Fav 0 492 490

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (719): View more from Colorado

  Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.

  Fav 3 502 276

  share tweet
  

• (803): View more from South Carolina

  DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK

  Fav 0 12 36

  share tweet
  

• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first

  Fav 0 75 6

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (647): View more from Ontario

  Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays

  Fav 0 46 24

  share tweet
  

Randomize