already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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