At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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