I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
