My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
