I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
