I wish I could punch you in the face.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Boobs speak an international language.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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