her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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