Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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