ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
