i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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