remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
