what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
