they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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