we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
