The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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