You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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